Domestic abuse is not always physical.

It can involve intimidation, monitoring, isolation, financial control,threats, manipulation and other forms of controlling or coercive behaviour. Sometimes the abuse consists of a pattern of behaviour rather than one obvious incident.

This can make it particularly difficult for a survivor to explain what happened.

A single incident may appear relatively minor when considered on its own. But a series of incidents, viewed together, may reveal a pattern of control that was profoundly damaging.

This issue was considered by the Court of Appeal in Re H-N and Others (Children) [2021] EWCA Civ 448. The judgment provided important guidance about how allegations of domestic abuse should be considered and emphasised the importance of understanding the wider context and patterns of behaviour.

For survivors, this matters because their experience may not be captured by one dramatic incident. It may instead be contained in hundreds of apparently small events which, taken together, created a pattern of fear and control.

For someone who has experienced domestic abuse, separation does not necessarily mean that the abusive behaviour stops.

The court process itself can sometimes become another way of maintaining contact, creating conflict or exerting pressure.

This possibility is recognised within Practice Direction 12J. Where domestic abuse has been established, the court is required to consider whether a parent is using proceedings to continue domestic abuse. It also provides for section 91(14) orders, which can restrict further applications where those applications could themselves form part of a pattern of coercive or controlling behaviour. (justice.gov.uk)

For a survivor, this can be particularly difficult.

The relationship may have ended, but the control may continue through the issues that still need to be addressed.

• A disagreement about contact.
• Another hearing.
• Another statement.

>For someone trying to rebuild their life, repeated involvement in proceedings can make it much harder to feel that the abusive relationship is truly behind them.

Domestic abuse does not always leave physical evidence.

There may be no police report, no medical record and no independent witness.

There may instead be messages, emails, financial records, photographs, diary entries, accounts from family and friends, or the survivor's own evidence.

The Family Court must assess allegations carefully and fairly. An allegation is not automatically proof that abuse occurred.

At the same time, the absence of a police report or other conventional evidence does not necessarily mean that abuse did not happen.

This is one reason why the approach established in Re H-N is important. The court recognised the need to consider domestic abuse in its proper context rather than simply reducing complex patterns of behaviour to a list of isolated incidents.

For survivors, describing what happened can be difficult in itself.

They may have spent years being told that they were imagining things, exaggerating or causing the problems themselves.

Having to recount those experiences in a formal legal setting can be an enormous emotional challenge.

Recovery from domestic abuse often involves establishing boundaries and creating a life that is separate from the abusive relationship.

Where children are involved, complete separation may not be possible.

There may still be communication about school, holidays, medical appointments and contact arrangements.

There may be disagreements.

There may be applications to the court.

There may be changes in circumstances requiring further discussion.

For a survivor who has experienced coercive control, these interactions can feel very different from ordinary disagreements between separated parents.

A message from a former partner may create anxiety because of what communication represented during the abusive relationship.

A court hearing may bring back memories of events that the survivor has been trying to leave behind.

The Domestic Abuse Commissioner's 2025 research is particularly significant here. Survivors who participated in the research described child-arrangements proceedings as traumatic, while the report examined the possibility of continuing harm through the Family Court. (gov.uk)

For someone trying to build a positive new life, moving forward can be more difficult when the past remains an active part of their everyday life.

Family Court proceedings can take time.

The latest Ministry of Justice statistics show that private-law Children Act cases took an average of 35 weeks to reach disposal during January to March 2026.

For a survivor, that can mean many months of uncertainty.

During that period, interim arrangements may remain in place, communication may continue, and difficult questions about the future may remain unresolved.

For children, months can represent a significant part of their lives.

Delay does not necessarily mean that anyone involved in the case has done something wrong. Courts may need time to obtain evidence, hear from professionals and make decisions that can have lifelong consequences.

But delay itself can have an impact.

For someone trying to build a new life, it can be difficult to feel that life is moving forward while a significant part of the past remains unresolved.

The question of contact can be particularly difficult in cases involving domestic abuse.

A survivor may recognise the importance of their child's relationship with the other parent while also having genuine concerns about what contact might mean for the child.

These concerns can sometimes be difficult to communicate because the survivor's own experience of the other parent may differ greatly from how that person presents themselves to others.

Practice Direction 12J requires the court to consider the effect of domestic abuse on the child and the parent with whom the child lives. It also requires the court to consider the likely behaviour of a parent against whom domestic abuse findings have been made and the potential for further abuse.

There is therefore no simple rule that contact should always or never take place.

Depending on the circumstances, contact may be direct, supported, supervised or indirect, or the court may conclude that direct contact is not appropriate.

The central question should be what is safe and in the child's best interests.

Children can experience domestic abuse themselves.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 recognises children as victims where they see, hear or experience the effects of domestic abuse.

A child may therefore have their own experiences, fears and feelings about what has happened.

• They may love both parents.
• They may also be frightened of one of them.
• They may feel responsible for protecting a parent.
• They may be reluctant to spend time with one parent.
• They may not have the words to explain why.

Understanding the child's experience is therefore essential.

The introduction of Child Focused Courts represents an important development in this area. The new approach is intended to give the court a better understanding of the impact of family proceedings on children and to bring their experiences more clearly into the process.

For survivors, this is important because a child's experience of domestic abuse should not disappear simply because the adults are presenting different accounts of what happened.

A child's reluctance or refusal to spend time with a parent can be one of the most difficult issues for the Family Court to understand.

There may be many possible explanations.

• The child may have experienced domestic abuse.
• They may have witnessed abuse against another parent.
• They may have their own relationship difficulties with the parent.
• They may have been influenced by one parent.
• Or there may be a combination of factors.

The Family Justice Council issued guidance in 2024 on children who are reluctant, resistant, or refusing to spend time with a parent, and on allegations of alienating behaviour.

Importantly, the guidance does not recognise a diagnosable "parental alienation syndrome" and emphasises the importance of understanding each child's individual circumstances.

This is an important distinction.

The question should not simply be:

"Which parent is responsible?"

It should be:

"Why is this child feeling this way?"

For a survivor, that distinction can be particularly important where concerns about domestic abuse and allegations of alienating behaviour exist within the same case.

There has been longstanding debate about whether the Family Court has operated within a "pro-contact" culture.

There are good reasons why children should maintain relationships with both parents where those relationships are safe and beneficial.

The difficulty arises when maintaining contact is considered without giving sufficient weight to the risks associated with domestic abuse.

The Domestic Abuse Commissioner's 2025 review identified a pro-contact culture as one of the structural barriers that remained prevalent in private-law children proceedings.

The Ministry of Justice has also reviewed the statutory presumption of parental involvement and proposed changes to the current approach.

This does not mean that children should automatically lose contact with an abusive parent.

It means that the safety and welfare of the individual child must remain central to the decision.

For survivors, that distinction matters enormously.

Family Court proceedings can require people to talk about some of the most difficult experiences of their lives.

For a survivor of domestic abuse, this may involve describing violence, threats, coercive control, financial abuse or other deeply personal experiences.

There have also historically been concerns about victims having to face their alleged abuser during proceedings.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 introduced protections preventing alleged perpetrators from personally cross-examining victims in specified circumstances and gives courts powers to prohibit cross-examination in other circumstances where it would cause significant distress or affect the quality of the evidence.

These changes are important because they recognise that the court process itself can affect victims.

The wider issue is whether survivors feel safe, heard and able to participate effectively in proceedings.

That is particularly important for someone whose confidence and sense of control may already have been damaged by years of abuse.

Legal aid remains available for people who meet the relevant financial and evidential requirements, and domestic abuse is specifically recognised within the legal-aid system.

However, knowing that legal aid exists is not necessarily the same as finding timely and appropriate legal representation.

Family proceedings can be complicated.

• Evidence may need to be gathered.
• Allegations may need to be responded to.
• Statements may need to be prepared.
• Court orders need to be understood and followed.

For someone already dealing with the effects of domestic abuse, navigating this process alone can be extremely difficult.

Access to appropriate legal support can therefore be an important part of ensuring that a survivor can participate effectively in proceedings and that their concerns are properly presented to the court.